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You mull over whether to do it or not, tossing the pros and cons over in your mind. Will it be a success? Can you really afford it? Will it hurt? You make the booking, then spend the next few weeks wondering whether you’re doing the right thing. Come the day, you wake up nervous, sweaty, probably hungover. The actual event is a blur… clenched fists, butterflies in your stomach, the faint smell of burning flesh… but when it’s all over, things are clear for the first time in your life. You wonder why you didn’t do it years ago.

Yes, I got married recently. And I’ve had laser eye surgery. They were both fantastic successes, and I’ve probably got another good ten years or so until things start to deteriorate. Only joking, Charlotte! I’d wink, but I’ve run out of eye drops.

There seem to have been a lot of weddings in my life this summer and they’ve all been marvellous occasions, all different in their own way but all the big day that the Bride and Groom wanted them to be. I thought weddings were going out of fashion, but people seem to still want to make the big gesture even though it costs thousands and you can’t sell it on eBay when you’re done with it. Or can you? The Interweb auction sites seem to be full of second-hand gowns, worn-once tiaras and cummerbunds with soup stains on them. The saddest items, though, are the never-worn dresses. Bought in hope? In a hurry? Sold with sadness, or relief? I hope at least they get a decent proportion of their outlay back. I would much rather have a jacket covered in confetti and cheesecake in the back of my wardrobe than a pristine three-piece packaged up and ready to take to the post office.

But anyway, here’s to a lifetime of bright eyes and, at last, clear vision.

For the past few years I have on occasions worried that my dog is too fat. A border terrier (luckily without any obvious inbreeding-related mutations or diseases), he weighs in at about a stone and a half. His size has never bothered him – he’s comfortable in his own furry little body – but people have at times made comments about his festively plump appearance. I’ve covered his ears to protect his feelings, explained his slow metabolism, decreased the number of prawn crackers he gets as an evening snack and thought about popping him the odd diet pill hidden in a piece of his favourite kebab meat. I have even increased his walkies. Continue Reading »